Collin Ember

Mon, 11 May 2009 23:56:47 GMT

(These take place after Badger's latest offer, the Water Dragon shindig, and Andy's revelations to the crew about her adrenaline addiction.)

Collin: ... Think we're going to have to tie the Captain down so she doesn't make us leave without that medicine?

Doc: I ain't sure... this could go all kinds of humped on us, if'in we ain't careful.. I'd like ta' see us work on it in teams, but that'll be up ta' the Cap'n's decision.

Collin: ~nods~ I ... this is going to be a lot trickier than LaFontaine's, isn't it.

Doc: I think that's a safe bet... We're goin' right up against the Alliance on this one... could get real ugly. ~puts a hand on Collin shoulder~ Ain't no one gonna' blame you fer bein' nervous 'bout it neither.

Collin: ... It's just ... you've done this sort of thing before, all of you. ... I ... well. Heh.

Doc: ~nods~ yeah, we got trainin' in how ta face it...but we're all gonna' be facin' that fear jus' the same.... ~gives his shoulder a little squeeze before letting go~ You do much meditatin' ?

Collin: I do, yeah.... I don't think even a week's worth would do me too much good, though.

Doc: goin' inta' battle is a little like meditatin'... you gotta' learn to take yer' fear and make a little ball out a it and push it down inta' the pit a yer stomach.

Collin: ... I don't think it'll all fit, Doc. ~offers him a shaky smile~

Doc: ~smiles warmly~ Oh, ah don't know 'bout that... I seen you eat.

Collin: ... ~laughs. is silent for a moment~ .... Thanks, Doc.

Doc: No thankin' needed... we're all gonna' be there fer ya'. You ever feel like ya' need help or anythin' is getting to much fer ya', jus' let me know.

Collin: ... Alright. ... Should I stay near the back, like I did, last time?

Doc: Well, that'll be the Cap'n's decision... but I'm willin' ta say that's likely gonna' be the best place. Least ways on the gettin' in part... I'd stick by the Cap'n if'in I were you. Mike n' I'll take the front line.

Collin: ... I'm gonna guess that I don't have to tell you to be careful going into Alliance with him on the front line. ~is still pretty paranoid about that~

Doc: ~nods~ at's why I'm goin' with 'em and not the Cap'n... Jus' in case we get humped. An' that's why I'd like you with her... keep an eye on her fer me.

Collin: ~looks particularly freaked out at this~ Me?

Doc: yeah, she'll listen to ya'... she trust's ya. An' if things go wrong I wan' someone there I trust to talk her outta doin' somethin' stupid.

-----

Collin sat on his bunk with the broken cog assembly that Doc had given him to practice on, carefully unscrewing the housing to reveal the jumble of parts within. Despite all the hours that he had already spent helping Doc patch up Aldrich after the crash, the fire-dancer still felt like he should be looking over his shoulder to make sure no one could see him. The part in his hands was, after all, formerly a part of the ship Andy and Doc loved so dearly that he wouldn't be surprised if it had grown a soul. Considering how angry Andy had gotten when Doc had installed the new engine block, Collin figured that touching one of the cast-off bits could, quite possibly, be likened to grave robbery.

As he eased the metal housing away and set the metal sheet off to one side of his desk, near his calligraphy set, Collin found himself holding his breath.

"What are you so afraid of?" he whispered, staring down at the mess of grease and alloy. "He gave it to you to fix. Not even to fix - to look at! It doesn't matter what you do to it. No one's going to be upset." He drew in a deep breath and, rag in hand, began to clean the surface layer of parts - but not too much, just as Doc had said ("It's not like yer fire, kid - if it's dry, she won't go").

The deeper down he went, the easier the process got, and Collin found that he could let his mind wander away just a little as he worked. For some reason, he kept floating back to how Doc had told him to stay with Andy because he trusted him. Pulling a cog free, he wiped off the grease and caught just a hint of his reflection.

That's what it is, isn't it. You're not sure what to make of being trusted. Of maybe having a place you feel you belong again. You're afraid something's going to take it away again. You always said you wouldn't put your roots down. Now look at yourself.

He supposed it had all started with Andy. She'd let him back on the ship, even after she'd kicked him off. She'd always - sometimes quietly, sometimes not-so - poked and prodded him to offer his thoughts, or his help with things going on with the crew. She'd kept an eye out for him - even when it should have become clear that sometimes the last thing a ship of erstwhile smugglers and vagabonds needed on board was a coward, even if he was a silver-tongued coward who could play with fire. She opened up to him, included him in her life before any of the others did. Only recently, since their trip to the scrap heaps on Balyx, had he felt like he reached a similar level with anyone else on the crew - and oddly enough, he realized, it wasn't the person he'd opened up to that he felt closer to.

In helping Doc with the repairs, Collin was slowly coming to realize that the gruff, standoffish bluster that the engineer carried around like his favorite wrench was more like his own quiet silence - a way to make sure nothing hurt him: or, more to the point, the people he cared about the most. He'd sensed a bond between Andy and Doc from day one, and the realization that maybe he was fostering something very much the same gave him pause.

Funny, he thought, leaning back in his chair and glancing around his bunk, the first time I set foot on this ship, as a stowaway, I was looking for a way to escape. ... And now it's feeling more and more like ...

He pushed the thought out of his head, not quite ready to face down that particular piece of fear, and leaned back over the cog assembly. There, at the back, beneath all the layers, was a tiny piece of glass that had stuck between two of the gears, something small from another part that had probably shattered when they'd crashed. Breathing out a tiny sigh of amusement, Collin picked up one of his ink brushes and used it to sweep the glass free onto his desk, then carefully, painstakingly began to reassemble the layers.

Click. I might have just fixed this. Does that mean something?

Snap. And what if it does? Is that really such a big deal?

Click. Sure it is. It means I'm finally considering myself more than just a member of a crew. That I'm ... that I think of everyone the same way that Doc and Andy ---

One of the gears went on lopsided, and he plucked it off to reset it, more carefully. Well. Almost everyone. ... And what's that all about, anyway? I told him more than I've told anyone else on this godforsaken -- He sighed, looking down at the assembly for a moment, the way the two cogs he'd placed meshed, blocking out one below that still helped drive their movement, in some small way. -- She's a good friend. And that's all. And that's going to have to be enough.

Carefully, he picked up the next set of parts and began to put them in place over the rest, protecting the cogs at the heart of the assembly that kept the whole thing moving when it was connected to the rest of the block. That's not the important part. The important thing is ... well. That's what I'm afraid of, isn't it. If this is ... if Aldrich is my ... my home ...

His eyes strayed to the cover, the last piece left, the screws still carefully in their holes, in the casing.

If Aldrich is my home, then I need to protect it, too. And everyone here. I need to start building my own set of stories, instead of sitting around coveting theirs. And for that, I need to fight, too. No matter what it might mean.

Slowly, Collin reattached the casing to the cog assembly, and tightened it into place. Hefting the part in his hand, he turned it over to admire his handiwork. Maybe, just maybe, he'd found the problem and salvaged the part. If he had, they had a spare on hand. If they hadn't, no loss. But all the same, he realized, maybe it meant there were other things he was capable of, too. Like bringing a fire-dancer's perspective to breaking into an Alliance medical facility.

Tucking the part into his pocket, he wiped his hands off on a rag and got up to go and show Doc what he'd come up with - and to pick his brain about the upcoming job. There were some things that were too important to be a coward about, after all.

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:16:47 GMT

Collin: Rung tse fwo tzu bao yo wuo muhn.

Andy: Its not that bad!

Collin: Hell of a way to tell someone you forgive them.

Andy: I...he...*groans* I think I'm going to drown myself...

Collin: You going to tell me the whole story, here, Captain, or am I going to have to go ask him, myself?

Andy: *glowers* He...well he was just all...*sighs* He told me some things I don't think I should say, and then things got a lil out of hand

Collin: *looks frustrated at not getting all the details there, but keeps his cool. breathes in, slowly* How far out of hand? To a point of detail I don't want to hear, or ...?

Andy: He hugged me and was crying on my shoulder, and then he tickled me, and then we were talking...and then I kissed him...and well...then its to a point I'm sure you don't wanna hear

Collin: .... Wuo dwei ni bu ting bu jen. *facepalms*

Andy: *oh there's blushing...oh there's no way she can turn even more red*

Collin: Well, that's a fine bei wu long you've gotten yourself into, Captain.

Andy: I know...*she looks faintly miserable* And I don't even know if I care...

Collin: Doc's not here, Captain. I will smack you if you keep on like that.

Andy: *blinks, realizing what he thought she meant* No! I mean I don't think I care about how stupid it was...it was kind of...*faint grin* Amazing

Collin: *will not sigh. will not sigh.* ... Well, I'm glad for that, at least. Just ... do me a favor, Captain?

Andy: If it involves not spacing him? I can do that I think...

Collin: *sobers and just looks at her* And if it did have to come to spacing him, if the Alliance found him? Between the crew and Aldrich, or him? Then what? *needs to know this now, you see, so that if the time comes, he can properly prepare to save his own ass*

Andy: *without even missing a beat* My crew. My crew comes first...before me, before my emotions...if I can find a way to save everyone I will, but if it means him or my crew? *shakes her head* Not a question

Collin: I know you want to believe in him, Cap. I do, too. ... But you have to remember. You're talking to a paranoid coward of a man. *lopsided little grin* I can't not consider every single possibility he might present, ever since his little revelation on Paquin. Whether he'd mean to present them or not. .... Things have a way of finding the Alliance.

Andy: I know...trust me I know. *faint smile* I just...you know if I could twist my little world anymore I think I'll just have to stop caring about everyone and marry an Alliance Commander and live on an armada ship the rest of my life...

Collin: ... *sighs* Captain. ... He won't even tell us what the deal was with a man we killed. And almost got arrested over.

Andy: *perks a brow* Honestly? I think there's a lot this crew keeps from one another...I ain't the first to volunteer at a pow wow

Collin: There's a difference between hiding things that won't hurt anyone, and hiding something that almost gets us all in hot water.

Andy: *frowns* I guess...I don't know, I mean he's told me before that if we're in deep trouble he'll let me know...

Collin: I should hope that he would.

Andy: I just...*sighs* I don't trust him...this is just gonna complicate things isn't it

Collin: Seems like you trusted him about as much as a woman can trust a man, to me.

Andy: *sighs* Yeah...but I just...I mean what if you're right, what if he's just been playing me these past four years and somehow he's going to get us in trouble and we all get arrested or worse...what do you think I should do? *she must be all freaked out to be asking for such blunt direction like that*

Collin: Follow your head, not your heart. .... The latter only gets you in trouble.

Andy: *winces, hand unconciously going to her dogtags and fiddling with them* Sometimes...

Collin: *runs a finger along the scar at his cheek* Always.

Andy: *looks down at the faded stamped metal* But it can be good too...it can be real good

Collin: .... *quietly* I wish I knew what to tell you.

And, for extra-special NPC/canon fun, guest starring Al....

Collin: ..... Oh, jing chai. Rung tse fwo tzu bao yo wuo muhn.

Mal: *that bad?*

Collin: *that would be "brilliant. Merciful Buddha protect us." his Captain and her mercenary have apparently hooked up. saw this a billion miles away. it will not end well*

Mal: *never does*

Collin: Oh, it gets better! *orders himself a drink. never drinks, ok* She's Independant and he's a defected purple-belly, dong ma?

Mal: *snorts* Tsai boo shr. You're kiddin', right?

Collin: I wish.

Mal: That'll end real well.

Collin: Considering the last I knew, she was still angry at him for not telling her that he used to be Alliance? ... After over a year on our ship? ... I think that's an understatement.

Mal: *shakes his head, sighing* Well, that's a mess. Lucky you.

Collin: *Sarcastic Smile Is Sarcastic* Aren't I, just?

Mal: *smiles* About as lucky as a gao yang jong duh goo yang.

Collin: *chuckles. ... swig* And she wonders why I don't speak up often. *isn't quite a goat yet. is getting there, at this rate, though*

Mal: Take it she just don't listen?

Collin: That's about the gist of it. *sighs*

Mal: *shakes his head* Women.

Collin: Oh, I'm sure it's just as much his doing. Considering.

Mal: Yeah, but it helps f'you blame the womenfolk.

Collin: *makes a face* She says if the Alliance come for him, and if it came between us or him, she'd still choose her crew and her ship, but ... that look in her eyes, I can't help but wonder. And I can't help but wonder if he knows that all too well.

Mal: *and he mirrors the face* That's bad. That's real bad.

Collin: Considering he's wanted for defection? You don't have to tell me twice.

Mal: *randomly* Take it you're a Browncoat?

Collin: ... *chuckles* In spirit only. I'm a little too much of a coward.

Mal: *shrugs* Spirit's better than nothin'.

Collin: Thank you. ... I've heard quite the opposite from my share of people.

Mal: Ain't the kinda people you wanna associate with, then.

Collin: True. ... *remembers his manners, then, since bitchmode has mostly worn off* I'm sorry. *chuckles and offers him a hand* I'm Collin.

Mal: *handshake* Mal Reynolds.

Collin: May I buy you a drink, Mr. Reynolds?

Mal: Depends.

Collin: The least I can do for someone willing to listen to a bleating goat.

Mal: *shrugs* It's a bar. People come here to drink and to get rid've their troubles with other people. So, I'm not seein' much of a problem. *pause* What it depends on is somethin' else entirely.

Collin: ... what's that, then?

Mal: Whether or not you can stop callin' me Mr. Reynolds and call me Mal. *skips a beat, and then, amused* Though, I'd take Captain as a substitute.

Collin: *amused as hell by this* ... Apparently, whether I was aware of it or not, drinking with Captains is one of my more frequent pastimes.

Mal: *grins* We're a damn good lot.

Collin: So I've been learning.

Mal: ... so, how 'bout it? Mal or Captain, or no drink.

Collin: Mal it is, then. You might be a Captain, but you aren't my Captain, so. Apologies.

Mal: *smiles* Fine by me. Be finer if I weren't mighty parched. *will take that drink, thank you*

Collin: *signals the bartender to bring him one, then! pulls his backpack up on the bar and fishes in it for his money*

Mal: Thanks.

Collin: Least I can do. *starts doing the kitchen sink thing. little bag of something. can of fire jelly. half-finished protein bar. lighter. aha! monies*

Mal: Smoker? *doesn't know that there's fire jelly in that can--is assuming it's tobacco*

Collin: Ha. If I did that, I'd set my bunk on fire. I'm a performer. *pulls a box of matches out of his coat. lights one. .... flicks it back and forth between his fingers like a coin for a second, and then puts it in his mouth. nom, fire*

Mal: Huh. *looks impressed* That's somethin'.

Collin: *tosses the match in the ashtray on the bar* Thank you. It earns enough credits to keep me, between jobs. ..... just enough.

Mal: You all do a lot've work, then?

Collin: ... *shrugs* Mostly small things. I think our last brought in about ... *thinks. Andy shoved the books at him, last time, and made him tally it all up for her, so* ... 200 platinum? *which is roughly 50 credits. which is ... sod it, the Ang can't remember how much a credit works out to in dollars. it's ... okay*

Mal: *considers that for a moment, and then* Not bad. Easy job?

Collin: Scrapper job. Sort of. Scavenged some cargo and returned it to where it was supposed to have gone. *never mind that he didn't set foot on the ship, himself. has heard stories about how WRONG that can go. does not want to get his face Reaver'd*

Mal: *arches his eyebrows* Best kinda job, if you can avoid the Reavers.

Collin: *shudders* I ... have yet to see one, in person, and I'd like to keep it that way if at all possible.
w
Mal: *grimly* Smart man.

Collin: I've already got torture on my Fun Happy Checklist Of Mishaps, and that was more than enough for me.

Mal: Alliance?

Collin: *shakes his head* ... Ezra.

Mal: *winces* Niska.

Collin: *quietly* You know him. ... I'm sorry.

Mal: Almost killed me and a man of mine, awhile back. *might have killed him, actually. can't remember. that whole experience is sort of a less than pleasant haze*

Collin: *takes another swallow of his drink* ... He killed my wife. ... Five times.

Mal: *looks down at his own drink, and then takes a swig, himself* I'm sorry.

Collin: The really sick part of it, though? ... In a way, it was a favor.

Mal: *rubs at his ear, absently* How so?

Collin: ... *lights another match and toys with it, just to give him something to occupy his hands* ... She'd said she was going to take me to a place that'd give me good, steady work. For what I could do with fire. ... I was going to follow her to the ends of the 'verse, dohn ma? ... *little bitter laugh* ... But ... they caught us before we could get there. ... To the Alliance's training base, on Ezra. ... Funny how she never said a single word about what I'd be doing. *and the words, understandably, stick in his throat a little* I had to hear the truth from the man who killed her.

Mal: *stares at him for a moment* Duh liou mahng. *shakes his head, not sure what to say, otherwise*

Collin: *sighs* So.... in spirit, only.

Mal: *and again he shakes his head* Weren't your fault.

Collin: Somehow, I doubt my Captain would agree. *rolls his eyes a little* And yet. .... *amused* Sometimes I can't even believe my life.

Mal: *amused* Sounds like the people on your ship got hypocrisy down real well.

Collin: Andy's a good woman, she just ... I don't think she realizes her head's not on straight.

Mal: You try lettin' her know?

Collin: To an extent. ... I have a feeling once our mechanic finds out, he'll let her know what a sa gua she's being. If the two of them get in a fight, it'll be a fair match.... the way I figure, if it was the two of us ... well. ... Not so much. *heh*

And then, later, after the St. Alban's Moon incident...

Collin: ~waves to Doc~

Doc: Hey Sparky... how you holdin' up kid?

Collin: ~heh~ Shouldn't I be asking you that?

Doc: ~grins~ I'll be fine until the pain meds run down... ain't nothing I haven't been though before. If you ain't noticed I'm a stubborn coot. ~chuckles~

Collin: I think that was the first thing I noticed, honestly. ... If you need a hand with any of the repairs, let me know, alright? I ... I know there are a lot.

Doc: ~groans~ I just put that goram engine in too... ~sigh~ I ain't gonna' say no to an offer of help... Lord knows I ain't up to doing it all myself. Sides you're a good set of hands to have 'round.

Collin: ~was more thinking about heavy lifting + recovering from internal bleeding than the actual amount of work, but as long as he's saying yes...~ Alright. ... Can I bring you anything?

Doc: ~ponders asking for a whiskey, but decides against it~ I could use a tea.

Collin: I think I can do that. ~and yes, Hangover Fairy would have denied you whiskey. in a big way. he might put just a tiny bit in the tea for the flavor, though. ;D~

Doc: ~grins~ I'll start the requests off easy like... they'll get a whole lot more tryin' when we start patchin' the ship up.

Collin: Fine by me. ~grins~

Doc: ~really does think Collin is a good kid and hopes he doesn't mind being worked to the bone~

Collin: ~it's better than sitting around waiting to get from point A to point B, watching Andy and Mike flirt with each other, to be honest~

Doc: ~agrees totally~ How you handling the rest of the situation?

Collin: ... I'm still ... there are a lot of things I still have to think through and take some time on. ~mostly Locke, but having to shoot a wild little girl is right up on the list too~

Doc: ~nods~ ain't no small thing that's happened... You make sure to take all the time you need an' don' forget to talk when you feel you got to. Even if you feel you don't... ain't no good keepin' stuff bottled up in ya', jus makes you sick.

Collin: I think I'm still mostly in disbelief, honestly. All of it put together, it's ... ~reminding him of how hard it was to cope with what happened with Niska, so at the moment he's just blocking it all~ ... surreal.

Doc: That unreal feelin' is how you keep from goin' crazy right off. Jus, don't keep it or you ain't gonna' be able to face it later.

Collin: I don't think I could, even if I wanted to... ~goes and gets the tea and brings it back to him~

Doc: ~understands, but doesn't want to see Collin end up like himself and the captan'~

Collin: ~would never. hates whiskey. ;D~

Doc: ~there are more insidious ways to fall to PTSD than just whisky, but appreciates the sentiment~ ;)

Collin: ~returns with tea~ Here you are, then. ~stays next to him, just because he has a feeling they could both use the company~